last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
