With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
