my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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