i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
