My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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