I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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