If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
