Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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