he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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