Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
