you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
