i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
