That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just forgot I was standing up.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
