apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
