At least make sure they are 18
Why
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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