Who wears a wallet chain?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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