I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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