it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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