There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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