perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
