Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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