During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize