when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
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