Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
