I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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