how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
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I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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