I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
