she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
