I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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