I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
