Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
