i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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