We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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