I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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