Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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