You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
