dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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