very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
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As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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