The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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