im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
