I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
