I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
