Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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