dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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