so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
