Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
