she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
