I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
