I just made out with a guy for $7.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
