Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
