You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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