In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
