This is not my ceiling
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
