:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
