i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up under a house in Key West
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
