Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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