i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
