he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
