i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
