; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
