Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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