I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
