i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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